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My life is like a bad movie

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[17 Aug 2009|01:37pm]
We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted.

3 kick out the jams mother fucker

[18 Apr 2009|02:04pm]
well[ i broke my hand o[n my 21st bday

they perscribed me to 60 percocets. and they're giving me more after surgery.
3 kick out the jams mother fucker

[13 Mar 2009|11:08am]
i'm sorry i haven't updated at all in the past 3 months. hopefully one will come soon.
but i'm okay.... :-/

my life is starting to hurt.
and it's sad this is the only place i can express my true feelings and not be criticized or judge about who i am. jesus.

1 kick out the jams mother fucker

[10 Dec 2008|01:02pm]
it hurts a lot to know that i can never put my guard down again.

because if i do, i will die.
mother fucker

[10 Dec 2008|10:59am]
ben and i are no longer an item

And i am fucking devistated.
i haven't been this way since Jasian.

i'm numb. and i can't stop crying.
1 kick out the jams mother fucker

[06 Dec 2008|10:53am]
i haven't had a saturday off in months.

And now that i have a saturday off, a girl calls me so i covered it for her.
fuck. why can't i just say no?
mother fucker

[01 Dec 2008|10:49am]
he's so much more  in real life.

i'll try to get better pictures.

mother fucker

[30 Nov 2008|05:18pm]

my scalp itches sooooo bad right now.
fucking hair dye.
mother fucker

[29 Nov 2008|10:25am]
PLEEEEEAAAASEEEEE don't get me pregnant.

Honestly, i'm a little scared myself.
mother fucker

[24 Nov 2008|12:09am]
i love my cop boyfriend.

there. i said it.

he's a cop and GOD is he perfect.
mother fucker

[19 Nov 2008|01:23am]
So ben is adorable. and i really like him. and he really likes me. i don't even care that he's 30. i don't care that he has had children with other women, because he cares for them so. i don't care that he's a military police. He's everything and more and he's so sweet and he's caring and he looks at me deep in the eyes and tells me how special i am and how i shouldn't be nervous and he talks about the future if it so happens to turn out that way.

Why did he come to my life before he had to leave for 6 months?
i've gone 6 months without someone before. it's just days. many many days.

but i'll have to deal with it. he is really taking a toll on me and it feels so good.

and we think the same thing at the same time. He tells me-
"I wish i could hear what you're thinking right now."
With his kind smile and his sexy voice and his loving eyes.

jesus. hahaha.
He brought back romance. i thought that was never true, but i guess it just took me a while to find it.

oh ben, i hope nothing happens to screw this up. and i hope you're telling the truth. not that i doubts that would wouldn't... it's just, it all seems too good to be true and i hope that this time, it is too good.
1 kick out the jams mother fucker

[08 Nov 2008|11:30am]
i really really really really ADORE ben.
like, a lot.
i can't wait to see him again.

i wanted to have sex with him so bad last night and it never happened (thank godddd) sex ruins everything. that doesn't mean that we didn't do some very hard making out. he gave me a message last night. first person to ever touch me and not freak out. he has magic hands. and we went to hollywood cemetary  yesterday. and we just walked around. and he kissed me and we got coffee and he kissed me there, (of course, i kissed him back each time) and we sat in his car for a couple of hours and talked and then we went to the dam near my house and then we went to "his apartment" to feed his cats and then we went back in his car and just talked and made out for like hours. we were hanging out from 3 until 12:30 last night. but i certainly had a lot of fun.

it just sucks because he's leaving in 3 months :-/
mother fucker

[02 Nov 2008|12:57pm]
You ever heard the saying "Don't go chasing after love. love will find you", well, it's true.

I'm going to update once i smoke and read a chapter of lullaby by chuck paliphaskjdhalrtfuihak (i don't know how to spell his last name)

But if i don't, it's because i got high and my mind wanted to wander elsewhere.
mother fucker

[30 Oct 2008|01:20pm]
Soooo, met a guy. don't want to jinx it, but he's SOOO ADORABLE. and we slept together last night and did NOT have sex. i'm sooo proud of myself. however, i am a sloppy drunk and now i have a hangover from HELL. never mix pbr, red wine, and yuengling.

i've got those butterflies in my stomach again and it feels so good. :-) Why did they leave for so long?
mother fucker

mrlookaboobooday [17 Oct 2008|02:34pm]



i don't know if you can read this, but if you can:

this means:

*no calling
*no texting
*no emailing
*no messages on any sort
*and don't even think about coming to my house

-Because if you do, i will, infact, call the cops and tell them what you did to me and i will tell them about the drugs you have in your house and what you do on a daily basis. Maybe if you get locked up, you'll learn. but maybe not.

i was a fool to even think that we could be friends. even when i was 15, you talked down to me like i was some piece of trash. and then you talked about my father, which was VERY fucking wrong and now i have bruises and a busted lip to prove how much of an asshole you really are.

you say you're sorry, blah blah blah. i don't give a fuck. i told you as soon as you hurt me, you'd never see or hear from me ever again. and all i wanted to do was be your fucking friend. but that wasn't good enough for you. you wanted to have sex with me, which i didn't do. you wanted me to be your girlfriend, which i didn't want to be.

And you know i don't like dealing with drama like this. i never thought i'd have to. i'm easy going and i was loving life until you fucked it up. i mean, i'm fine now, but i won't be if you keep calling the house. and why don't you think anyone has come over to your house yet to come and kick your ass? because i don't care. i'm not going to stoop down to your level. i hate drama, but you strive off of this bullshit.

But now you're harassing my family by calling my house phoen in all hours of the night and morning. i can't let my family get involved in this. CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND I DON'T EVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.

why don't you get your own life, work on your insecurities and problems and stop trying to fuck up everyone elses


Those are the only words we will ever have. fuck you. have a nice fucking life, asshole.

mother fucker

[16 Oct 2008|12:10pm]

The Bible. "‘God’ is a name given to the life-giving universal principle. It is, according to the Book, both good and bad. Stories recited are constructive and destructive. These stories are full of contradictions. Our study of The Book made us distrust its reliability when confronted with facts as we know them. We were in doubt. We had questions for which we found no answers. That there was a Universal Intelligence was true, but it did not exist as The Book told the stories. It was not a He or Him. There were no places such as heaven or hell. The Book was not ‘the Word of God’ because Universal Intelligence does not speak words, language. If Universal Intelligence did speak words, was it English, Greek, Latin, German, French, Chinese, or what have you—all of which are in use now, some of which were not in use then, all of which are spoken of today as ‘the word of God.’" Vol.

"There is more to intelligence than human intelligence. Intelligence is a property of the universe and of all that is in it. Universal Intelligence is the intrinsic tendency for things to self-organize and co-evolve into ever more complex, intricately interwoven and mutually compatible forms. Our human intelligence is but one manifestation of that universal dynamic. The more we are conscious of universal intelligence and connect ourselves to it, the more intelligence (and wisdom) we will have to work with. One might also describe Universal Intelligence as the mind or will of God or Spirit.
mother fucker

[07 Oct 2008|10:27am]
this entry is pretty much directed to alison about what i texted her about last night. lol.

okay-- the reason why he really reminds me of one of those kids is because he was like "yeah, i know a few kats in richmond city who may want some mids." and just saying richmond city every other sentance and telling how evening dawn dashes when a river runs through it.

lawls lawls lawls. i wish you were at gregs last night.
1 kick out the jams mother fucker

i wonder what kinda bullshit will happen today? [04 Oct 2008|07:32am]
i'm going to keep this short because i have to leave for work in 30 minutes and i still have a bunch of things to do before i leave. (which probably aren't going to get done)


wednesday night i went to ryans, got drunk and took xannies and passed out. next morning, ryan said "Kaite, i think i love you."

Please remember we weren't in a relationship or an item. just friends.

so i say, ryan, i think it's better if we just stayed friends.

and he went BALLISTIC.
first, he punch a hole about 7'' in my art box (which won't be prepared which also has some of my dad's stuff in it) so i immediately ran for the door that he wouldn't let me out of so he was like you're not leaving! and so i tried to force my way out and starte scfreaming ryan, let me out of your house. and he wouldn't. and i knew that if i would scream that people either upstairs would let me out of people downstairs. well no one came to my rescuse so i just started screaming which is where his hand was over my throat and another hand was over my mouth. so i'm screaming bloody murder and just trying to force my way out of his grip, my mouth is bleeding and i ran out of there so quick and he wouldn't get out of my way so i just drove off... over his foot (go me!)

so i'm i parked on a corner in richmond thinking like WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. and i was hysterical. so i called brad. brad told me to call the police. which i did not. i don't want him to get in trouble, i just want him to get hurt unexpectedly.  but then i did hang out for alison and she made me laugh which she was always able to do and we drank some bum coffee and some BUMM tea. ah! it was good after that.

oh alsion, i did miss her.

anywho, i have to go.

2 kick out the jams mother fucker

[16 Sep 2008|10:38am]
so last night lead to headache, stomach problems, sore crotch, and bruises everywhere else.

let me start with the sore crotch first; well i went to ryans and we rode bikes around richmond until we got to this bar, the sidewalk, where i drank 1 long island, 1 kamikazi, 1 ridiculous shooter thing and 1 ice pick. i was kinda wasted. so we got back to his place and sang along and smoked HEADIESSSSSSS where we got the bright idea to get something to eat. by that time my stomach started like hurting like i drank to fast. as soon as i got my hashbrowns, i had the worst pain in my chest and it was the first time i had ever gotten heart burn. i feel SO sorry for people who experiance that like every day. anyways, trying to get the bikes back up the stairs last night was a very hard challange for me. haha. so in other words, i kinda fell back and the bike fell back on me, so now there's bruises in spots that i can't see and i'm all beat up.

mother fucker

[14 Sep 2008|08:33am]
EDIT-just kidding
i always think it's me no matter what. i've lost almost 40 pounds and i still think i'm not attractive but that's pretty much cause no one tells me i am, ever.

oh and my mom just talked with me because she's worried about me. she's just scared. i told her there's nothing to be scared about, but the truth is, she has everything to be scared about with me. i jsut don't want her to be stressed out.

but she's right, i miss being happy.
mother fucker

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